Get Out

I hate white people, I hate men, I hate white countries, I hate censorship, racism, ableism, and people with purely losers that fucks up everything for everyone, I hate bigots, I hate children, I hate big corpo companies, I hate people who are hopefully for a future that is only catered to themselves, I hate having ocd and anxiety, I hate everyone and thing, I’m hate everything being fucked up and stuff I care about being ruined because someone doesn’t care but for some reason is in power, I hate people who pray to a god to help other that’s not even there, I hate being controlled from what I interact with or with what I want to do, I hate people getting hurt and fucked over because of other people’s mistakes, I hate this planet and its people, I hate how mean people can be to other but get zero consequences for thier actions because their white and a dude bro, I hate that the only way to experience true freedom is in death, I hate feeling like I can’t take a break because theirs always something that has to be done because of others, I hate feeling like I’m not doing enough when I’m actively working everyday, I hate how my family doesn’t care about each others boundaries, doesn’t care about what’s happening and puts zero effort into staying safe, hardly shows support for each, and are sexiest ass fuck, I hate having to live and exist in this country and world where everyone is a piece of shit and hates you since day one, and I hate that death in its self is unclear and I don’t even know if it will be better or worse then being alive.

AND ITS NOT LIKE I CAN JUST KILL MYSELF, it takes so much energy and resources to even take your life and when your broke and hardly have any energy killing yourself is really off the table.

I wish the second impact from evangelion was in real life soon everyone could die, or the sun already exploded and took the earth out with it, I’m so tired of hearing people talk about hope and peace when not everyone who deserves it can have it, and their a white privilege bitch. I hate how I can do nothing with the small amount of anger besides link resources and hope people with be ok, this rotten country, this rotten world and its people in to be destroyed, I really don’t care if I sound like a super villain because at this point it’s sounds like the only reasonable option.

Are AI tech bros on a suicide mission or are they just genuinely this dumb.

Because imagine hearing that your product is killing the earth faster than anything we have seen are first thought isn’t to fix nor removed it from the public.

Knowing tech bros their reason is probably dumb ass fuck, they get bullied in school for a reason and it’s for shit like this, they all basically a brunch of “nerd” that got bullied for being annoying and now they’re taking out their anger on the world like every loser pick me with no friends does. That or their actually suicidal but they want to look “good” when they do it and make it everyone else problem.I would be surprised since a lot of them have a ego that’s bigger then their iq and will happily die from their own creation, those movie aren’t lying when they say human will die to their own stupidity. You can see it right now.

I honestly hope the sun explodes so everyone dies, none of y’all deserve to live nor exist, the only things that don’t deserves this are animals since they don’t create dumbass problems and not fix them.

That or the meteors that killed the dinosaurs come and kill all of us so the animals have a chance to evolve and survive. Or aliens, aliens would be fine too.

It’s so tiring trying to take a break from social media when you have OCD.

Like not only is it hard to not give in to your anxiety and check to see if something is there, but also having content creators that you watch bring it up a-lot. Now obviously I’m not trying to say that people can’t talk stuff that makes me uncomfortable, I honestly would have been fine with if it weren’t for my body that literally self-destruct if stuff like that gets mentioned. Not only does it make my chest hurt but it also makes me not want to eat, sleep, or really do anything. It also doesn’t help that it just adds on to the other shit, it just one extra to the pile of shit annoying and confuses me. Again, I’m not blaming others for my issues it’s just annoying having this issue when going online.

And it doesn’t help when you’re always thinking of the worse so you become a workaholic, where you’re always feel the need to be working on something even when nothing happens.

I don’t people understand how fucking awful this has been for me. I’ve been deal with this shit for about 7 years of my life, nonstop. And I have to live with it for the rest of my life.

Why does this kept happening bro….. if your going to randomly throw off the mood that least do it in a chat room that’s open to conversations like that and not places for only chill vibes. Like stop changing the topic of the conversation to gain sympathy… bru

I don’t think people really understand how depressing and irritating the jp boys graduations are. They not leaving because they want to move on and open a new chapter in their life, they’re leave because they have to or else they might actually become homeless (the “Holostars being homeless” is funny but is a very real reality the jp and en boys could face) and any of their projects will be cancelled or denied. They’re graduations actually feel like their dying, like their being forced to walk the plank (to kept it pg) not actively choosing to leave on their own, like yeah it was their choice to graduate but was it really. At the end of the day it’s covers fault for why their leaving, they literally say if this didn’t happened they would still be here.

What really rubs salt in the wound is that the people that work at the twitter account didn’t even say anything about Holostars 7th anniversary, they genuinely want to pretend that holostars doesn’t exist. Just like Astro said hand over Holostars to someone that actually cares about them.

Also fuck Yagoo, your “support” didn’t do shit. And no I’m not going to be nice to this fuckhead just because he created Holostars, he still had a chance to help and support them and he didn’t do shit.

I’m so fucking tired, I’m tired of trying to be emotionally available for others and I’m tired of my high expectations of myself when it comes to supporting my favorite Vtubers. I’m not saying that I won’t be supporting them it’s just so hard to feel like your showing your love to them when your form of affection is gift giving. I want to be able to draw fanart for my oshi and to make things and buy things for them to show I was there for them and that I care for them, but it’s hard when your poor and have low energy. I hate the way my art looks and I’m not very good at make stuff when it’s relevant so it feels like no one cares. And I’m too poor to travel to go to meet and greets. (Even if I could I have social anxiety and OCD) And want to support the jp boys before they leave but can’t speak/ read jp, and when trying to look of a translator it only gave me gross AI pilled extensions and that only works when your watch a vod. So now I can’t understand the conversation, and I’ll only know after stream when the moment has passed. (Obviously this isn’t the end of the world but I have OCD so it feels like it is and it feels like I wasted a good moment) I honestly wish we were back in 2023 again, where everything wasn’t as chaotic and most of my oshi were still around. Because I can’t even go into one of their streams without being miserable and feeling the despair and sadness of knowing the one thing I love and cherish most is being ripped from me. And I don’t know that much about the jp boys, but knowing that they where such a important part of Holostars family makes me feel sad knowing I didn’t even get to know them before they left.

Theres a part of me that wants to watch some of their clips to get to know them so I can watch their new stuff but I’m to emotional unstable right now and I feel like there’s no point in me watch them now when their leave soon. I’m trying to get myself out of this mindset tho, since this isn’t productive nor is this supporting. We love you Holostars 🌟

At this point I don't even know why I'm adding my tumblr post here, I'm just doing whatever to shut up my brain.

Why do people saying fuck ___ is going to make them seem less of a biget, like do they expect us to cheer for them because they said “racism is bad guys” or do they think making this big statement will do something useful. Like no shit, it doesn’t make it any better know that the people are part of the problem but they don’t care, they genuinely think that saying this is going to “win us over” or whatever, and this ain’t the first time this happened so many people say shit like this and immediately fuck it up when you ask them about their opinions of POC and queer people suffering.

Why do people feel the need to say “stay safe everyone” and then proceed to not give instructions on how to, like are you bitches dumb or what. If you feel the need to bring up serious issues that can affect people in a negative way then give instructions/ resources on how too, don’t just give nothing because your words don’t mean shit.

It’s so tiring trying to take a break from social media when you have OCD. Like not only is it hard to not give in to your anxiety and check to see if something is there, but also having content creators that you watch bring it up a-lot. Now obviously I’m not trying to say that people can’t talk stuff that makes me uncomfortable, I honestly would have been fine with if it weren’t for my body that literally self-destruct if stuff like that gets mentioned. Not only does it make my chest hurt but it also makes me not want to eat, sleep, or really do anything. It also doesn’t help that it just adds on to the other shit, it just one extra to the pile of shit annoying and confuses me. Again, I’m not blaming others for my issues it’s just annoying having this issue when going online. And it doesn’t help when you’re always thinking of the worse so you become a workaholic, where you’re always feel the need to be working on something even when nothing happens. I don’t people understand how fucking awful this has been for me. I’ve been deal with this shit for about 7 years of my life, nonstop. And I have to live with it for the rest of my life.

God I fucking hate my parents, they’re so needy when it comes to trying to make me learn how to drive and a get a job when they know I have mental issues and a learning disability. They keep saying that their doing this for me but I know their not, they do this to flex about how good they are as parents by forcing me to do shit for them. They took me to a karate and a boxing class knowing damn well that I didn’t like people, that I didn’t like violence, and that I didn’t like being left alone with strangers, but they don’t care they never did. And I told them this mutual times but they brush be off and treat me like I’m stupid. They think their so funny when they ask me if I’m excited for summer when they know their going to bother me the entire two or three months, I wish I could just move out so I wouldn’t have to see them again.

So... I talked to the Trevor Project crisis service line and honstly I thinks it's pretty good. Not the crazy good but good none the less. I got the answer I expenaded but they really helped with some of the isseus I was having with my mental health, like giving me aceally advice to how to calm down and helping me understand want I was doing. But I will say if your going to a crisis service line with the want in mind of getting info, don't be surprised when they tell you they don't know. It's not really their job to know shit ton of info, that's your job, they can lend some stuff they know but it's gonna be some ground breaking lore drop. A crisis service line is made to help people understand their emoteons when can't get a therapist and to be for emontion support.

I wish my parnets take my worries more seriously, actually listened to what I was saying, and planned with with me so we can kept own family safe. But the always treat me like I'm dumb and that hurts coming from your family that's supposed to support you and make you feel safe, but instend they be-little me and don't give me answers to the questions I have about the world. Like you lived and seen more then me at least give me some in-site as to what you know instend of just saying "it's not going to happen", and then make funny of me for stressing out when you know I have anxiety and OCD. And then they just forget want I told them like I get it it's hard to remmber things when your getting older but it feels like they don't care and that's why their forgeting not because they honestly forgot. Why does it feels like their trying to switch the blame on me, like it's my fault for not getting thicker skin or not being able to take other peoples bullshit, It fucking sucks.

I'm going to try and talk with a queer cirsis service to see if I can get some answers, I'm not sure that it will work but I'm running out of opitons, so when I get the courage to talk to one of them I'll chat.

Since my life seems to be coming to a close (I very short close depending on what happens this year) I've been trying to find what my life goals are since I'm not good at a-lot of things and I very unhappy with the things I've done or have in my life, I've been trying to finish this website and achive it like a-lot of other people have done since I'm actually somewhat happy with my website. This does not mean that I will stop posting my art or make some updates, this just means that I'm closing put some of the problems I have with the website and puting it some where safe. (even if the image slowly break overtime)

God I'm so tired of see white ass content everywhere, like no I don't want to watch your boiled chicken with no season or salt content if I wanted that I would just watch Friends.

god why is med searching so hard bro, all of them make me sleepy which doesn't help since I'm always tried. I really hope their plan for putting people with mental health (mainly people with OCD) in jail/mental hospital (I forgot) doesn't happen for these last 2 in a half years, I'm so close to finding meds that actully help me and I don't want some loser taking that away from me and trying to send me to jail for it. Also can ya'll start explaining things, I've been doing some reseach about the stuff thats going on and a lot of ya'll refuse to explain why xyz is works and abc doesn't or how these people get information about this person etc etc. Don't you think knowing useful information like that can help some people, like obviously that won't help everyone but it's still important to let people know.

(sorry for the grammar and spelling errors, I not in a good mood right now and want to yap)

God I fucking hate when people are overly positive about disheartening things that happening to people, like I know their trying to help the person that’s suffering feel better about themselves but it’s comes off as them just trying to shut people up so they don’t have to worry about their wellbeing, if they shut them up enough they will stop talking about it.

And I know that not everyone is doing this out for malicious purposes but it does come off that way when your pretending that everything is fine or they only care when the issue is trending but as soon as it’s over nobody cares.

Take the BLM protests in I think 2017/2018 (I wasn’t on social media when this happened so I don’t know to much) everyone was making TikTok’s and protesting but after a month or a week passed they immediately stopped caring. Like BLM isn’t something to protest about for only a month, BLM is something that happens everyday. And I know that not everyone can always be on top of it and always tone in especially for the sake of your mental health and wellbeing, it’s unhealthy to always be on top of it and I get that but y’all don’t even try to learn from this, y’all will just look at, say “aw that sucks :(“ and just fuck off, y’all don’t even try to help or spread awareness because this is just a fucking game to you and it always will be.

White people are so stupid men, why do the think that the most simple and unhelp shit is going to help others that are struggling. Like their is like addive "if someone is getting murder then pull your phones out and record them." as if thats going to help. "But if we record them they will go to jail!!!" wheres the evidence for that, ya'll say that but we don't get news reports about them getting arrested. And you can tell is white people saying this because they have faith that the police, the goverment, and the FBI will actually take care of hate crimes and if your black like me you know that doesn't work. I don't know why their even crying about this in the first place when their the ones that caused this. White people will be like "No, We dIdN'T wE JuSt DiDn'T UnDeRStAnd-" shut the hell up. YOU didn't care what would happen because this doesn't effect you so the one time people of color and queer people needed you to pull through the most you weren't there, when people are suffering the most you sit back and watch it burn since none of this affects you, and some of you even have the fucking audacity to tell other people that "Things will get better", "these sad times won't last", "everything is going to be ok" NO, things will get better for YOU, these sad times won't last for YOU, everything will going be ok for YOU. None of the things you said will happen to the people who are suffering, the only reason why you even say this is because this will only for YOU no one else. White privilege is so annoying mainly because white people refuse to acknowledge that it exist and that they can make a difference by pointing it out to other white people. Why do we have to be on the same plant with them, they active ruin lifes and hurt others, god I wish I was in a black country cuz what the fuck...

"Funny how people suddenly start giving a shit about politics when suddenly it affects and inconveniences them." "Crazy how literally all of this was avoidable of people had just used their brain cells in November 2024" "1:20 you might not fuck with politics, but politics will fuck with you" "genuinely makes me sick that ppl have been silent while families are being ripped apart by I*E, ppl losing access to food and healthcare, queer ppl losing rights, and so much more, but fucking gas prices was what made ppl start paying attention. this country is sick" and lastly "As a Latin American, born and raised in South America, it's courous to see how the U.S. spent so much energy trying to sell the "american dream" and the "american way of life" to other countries, and now is being so openly hostile towards immigrants. Like, what exactly did you expect would happen? So it was all just ego trip and delusional flexing? Very on brand." are comments from imuRgency video called "oh, so you only care about politics when they affect you" and those comments honestly somes up all of last year for me.

A bunch of bullshit all because yall didn't want to pay attention, at least I can find comfort that I'm not the only one bitching about this and that other people have been bitching too.

I really hope that the people who really need to leave the U.S. can leave in time before the 2025 project starts (like it's kinda started already but still). I'm not sure when it will tho since the name implies that this was supposed to happen in 2025 but something got in the way, I hope that the people who sometimes go to the U.S. know about the stuff going on and don't come. Like I know BTS already went to the U.S. to work on their new album but I hope they know now not to come here because it's not safe. (And I doubt that their countrys with stop people from going to the U.S. or warn them) I already knew that I wasn't going to be able to leave at any point since I'm poor but idk this kinda made me feel like shit, "oh you wanted to leave? Well now you can't, have fun bitch". Want really rubs me the wrong way is that their probably going to do some wild shit after it starts, like no, other country's aren't coming to save us, but leaving was the only option if you wanted to go somewhere safe and now if shit gets crazy there's nothing you can really do about it, because money or trying to move to a different state isn't going to help.

Before I even go on my rant he’s some contents and just over all great tweets about the whole situation. Thank you 🍤 for not stepping down even when times get rough 🌟❤️‍🩹. (go on my tumblr to see them)

I’m so sick of Cover and their dick riding fans always trying to bully Holostars out of their company, all because of Unicorns are always bitching about how they don’t like Holostars. If your a Unicorn/anti kill yourself, like actually kill yourself (or in the famous words of Gavis Bettel, “DIE!”), I so sick of you dickheads harassing the boys/fans, saying slurs/being racist, and fucking harassing Hololive members and getting zero consequences for your actions and now my stars have to suffer hard because of you. Not only are they basically being fired from the company but they also don’t have a lot of ways to get income for there projects and just income to live.

What pissess me off even more is that they can’t just leave because if they did they would have to start from the beginning, they would have to get new models which would take months and they would no longer be able to collab with the other boys until they also gradation. And honestly don’t blame any of them for wanting gradating because it feels like thats the only good option for them. (And hell we don’t even know if they will be Vtubers again or even be work in the social media field, so we might not be able to see them again…) What hurts me even more is seeing the boys getting depress about, like you can tell their miserable from just the way they were posting after the announcement. Some of them are saying they need to take a break, some of the JP boys having to open up job request which is so fuck up when you think about the fact that they went into Holostars with the expectation in mind that this is their job now, and some of them are just having to laugh the pain way since they might lose everything, their homes, their pets, their friends, their dreams, everything.

I wish they just let them go indie but let them keep their IP’s (Vtuber, models). This hurts so much I can’t even imagine how they feel especially with them saying sorry like it’s their fault. (which it’s NOT) I so tired of this shit why can’t we just stay in our own small community and just vibe, why do we have to deal with dumbass corporates and annoying ass incells. Like I know corporate VTuber companies don’t last long because their all ran by a bunch of dumbasses but why is Holostars suffering the most💔… Holostars means the world to me, they have always save me from my massive depressive episodes so seeing them at their lowest makes me to support them even more.

Anyways, Fuck Cover-corp, fuck Unicorns, and fuck anyone who says Holostars EN and JP aren’t trying hard enough.

Why does he bother me about jobs, you know I have mental problems and going outside is hard for me just stop bothering me about it holy shit. Your the one that should get a job you pay bills. He doesn't care, none of them care.

For the past 4 days my dad haves been acting like a little bitch (just being an asshole), like mainly to me for some reason and I don't know the reason as to why (it honestly doesn't take much and can be for anything). He's been getting mad at me for everything I do and treating me like I stupid. He also is saying that I lying about my mental health saying "No you don't" when I told him I always feel tired. What gives him the right to say what my body does when he doesn't even live in it, I honestly should'nt be surprrised at this point, he always pushs my boundaries, huging me when he knows I don't like hugs, always asking to hugout when he knows I have school and lots of it, just treating like I'm dumb for not always agreeding with him or like I'm the one who's acting like a sore loser, and telling me that he misses "the old me" as if there is something wrong with me. At this point I don't even set broundaries/tell him to stop anymore because I know he won't listen and I don't want to start arguing since they don't end well and I don't have the energy. And then today he's acting like everything is normal like he isn't the one that start this, and the day before he was acting like I started it, I so sick of this homeshold what to move out just to get away from this.

2/6/26

why do people care about I*E now, like i've never seen people care this much for most of last year, now everyone wants to care so suddenly, like where were you when this was happening in 2025?

I just realized that this diary page is supposed to also yap about things I like and shit and all i've been doing is trauma dumping lol. I would yap about the shows I've been watching but a lot of them are just very boring.

I honestly don't give a shit anymore. I'm tried of trying to understand what's going on right, I have more important things to be focus on than dumb shit like this. Every piece of important is just bullshit, like everyone is just lying at this point, the news lies all the time, people on social media are always lying, hell even people I follow are lying or just retweeting bullshit, and the rise of AI has also made it hard to understand whats real and whats not. So I'm just not going to tune in anymore, instend of watching this slop I'm going to work just like I wanted to do since the beginning of last year, so I can support my family and the content creators I love. If I die than I die, it's not like it matters anyway.

(Update) I haven't been post as much since I've been trying to enjoy my christmas break and also there isn't to much to do for this site anymore. I hit the end of the road when it comes to adding new things to the site and for fixing isuses. This doesn't mean that I will be abandoning this site or anything, like I'll still post my art on here but I just won't be working on it anymore. For the most part this site is done.

This year was such a shitshow for so many different reasons. Fuck 2025 and all the bullshit it put me through 🚫👆.(I can't use the middle finger because microsoft is to much of a pussy to add it) I would say something positive about 2026, but I know it will be shit too.

Update: I've been working on find a place to archive my website, working on the work site, finding more file store because onedrive sucks ass, and trying to download a bunch of shit. So I've been very busy with stuff 💦.

Rant: So the stupid age verification bills are finally about to finish, from what I heard it was going to happen this thursday but there was an update and now I think we have to wait a week for results (or a week to vote)? A lot of information has been past around so I don't know what is true yet. It will propbably pass since normies are stupid, it won't be surprising honestly. Lets just hope that other countries aren't as stupid so we can use the VPN's. The only thing I'm worry about is how this will affect my job and future payments I make. This has honestly been very tiring so I don't have the anrgy in me to yell and bitch like I usally do. Goodbye internet 💔.

Also rip to ao3, internet archive and every other site that holds queer and poc content. You will be miss dearly.

The one thing about ocd is that it will just decide to be bother by one thing for months before being bother by something else, like I can be doing ok in the beginning of the year and only worried about money and then at the end of the month be worried about my art. The problem isn't me changing what I think is important to me at the moment, it's changing hyperfixation about a problem I'm having and then it abruptly changes to something different before I can finish the other issue.

I'm really worrid about I*E taking me and my family, my family was born here (besides my grandma) so I know we'll probably be fine but I doubt they wouldn't kidnap every person of color. My dad talked to me about it when I was having a breakdown, he said this has happen before and that I don't need to worry about it. But I have OCD of course I'm going to worry about it. I'm worry that my mom well get taken and we won't have money to stay safe since my dad can't work, I'm worry that they'll come at our doorstep and if we lied about our grandma and they find her we'll get taken for lying, and I'm worry about the person I'll become if I get taken, how different will I be and if I'll be *****? I know this is stupid since I'm not really at any risk and I should stop bitching about it but it's been on my mind for the past 5 monthes so I wanted to say something. I don't really talk about with my parents because it always feels like I'm being belittled for feeling like this.

11/26/25

I cut my hair today. I can wait to let it grow and style it!

Why do normies have to ruin everything!? like stop letting these fuckass bill's pass, cuz what are you going to do when you find out that it will fuck you over too. For context, last night I was on twitter and I saw a post about how some states in australia was doing a state ban on social media (sorry if I got anything wrong), and it pissed me off just thinking about how normies either votedyes or will not vote at all and now some australians and now suffer because of it. Now your probably wondering "why I care so much even tho I not an australian?" It's because one, peoples job and sources of fun just got taken away from them and two I know as so as americans hear about this someone will make a bill to ban it over here as well. I talking state or country ban, and watch the bill pass, and even if it's not a country ban watch it be a fucking state ban and every in red state it will pass. And the best part is norimes will end up crying about it saying that they didn't know it would happen and then regret it. I just wish I can move out of this fucking country (and I know that it will not make me safe from bills like this from happing but I don't fucking care). Lastly your probably saying "who cares just use a VPN to get around." One people shoudln't have to use a VPN to use social media, and two VPN's can't save you forever. What's going to happen when every country says yes to banning something, now you can't even use a VPN to get around it. Or what if the thing your using (an app or something) isnt in other countries? What then? So yes fuck norimes and fuck all the old white man how make these bills in the first place.

Whats next, ban the internet, ban watching tv, ban eating tacos, fucking banning fun?! I HATE BEING ON THIS PLANET WITH THESE LOSERS, GET ME THE FUCK OFF THE GODDAMN ROCK.

I so fucking tired of other peoples bullshit, just leave me the fuck alone and stay out of my and others people fucking business bro fuck. Why do big companies do shit like this.

meow

I fucking hate waiting bro. I've been waiting for my birthday so I can get my ko-fi and gofundme, and for january for dorhedoro and trigun stampede to get their season 2. like why can't it go faster.

What pisses me off about everything going on right now is that people had a choice. Just choose the right thing and everthing will be fine but no, normie's just had to be dumb and ruin it like always. So many peoples lives are at risk and had their lives ruined because of them. Family torn apart, lives taken, and they know this they told them that this would happen and it did. I think its so annoying is that their are now acting like they didn't happen and trying to switch sides now. 1. you know damn well that this would happen you just care now because something you care about is now affected so you ran to the other side (which is crazy because they will switch to their side again when things get better and for some reason people don't seem to notice that nor care), and 2. you don't deserve switch sides. If you fuck with bigot than your fovever a bigot end of story, you don't deserve help, sympathy, love, or to be forgiven, you deserve to die and rot away you fascist fucking pig.

I feel like I trapped in a loop of my own work/hobbies. I create alot for fun yes, but I also do it because I think it will make me feel better. Like if I draw this or if I do this, I'll magically feel so much better about my life right. I don't really know how to fix this honestly because I don't think me taking a break on creating is going to make me feel better, it would probably make me feel worse.

I so tired of conplaining now. Like blah blah blah my life fucking sucks blah blah blah I want to kill myself, like whatever dude. This is the same old shit from before. Idk I feel like I've been in survival mode this entire year, I gave myself zero breaks for myself. I though if I did something bad would happen, like if I didn't retweet a importent post I'd be part of the problem. But I see people just not care like at all. Like am I the weird one for caring so much? I mean it's kinda hard to not care when you live in a red state. And you don't have the money, your father has health problems, and your own brother doesn't even try to help his own family even tho he knows that his family is poor. But you know what, I taking a long ass break! I'll be work of course but I take a break from social media and all the shit that's going on right now and just work on some personal stuff for now.

Anyway besides from that my birthday is coming up and I'm exited for the gifts, two Mystreet season 7 is coming up soon, and three Dorohedoro and trigun stampede are getting offial season 2 release datas! I think both are coming out January of 2026.

You know I was conplaining about how I wasn't feeling safe, like things are going to get worse. Well I was right, great... I fucking hate it here, life is fucking overrated anyway. And I can't even help, I don't have money, popularity, anything. And it's not like I'm needed anyway because so much happens without me, without my help. I shouldn't be conplaining tho, if I was responsible for stuff like this to go well I'd feel worse. I think my problem is I just want to feel important, I want to feel like I'm wanted, (in a good way) and I want others to care too but no one does...

I hate it when I hear shit from outside and start to panic, like planes or loud noises. I should be use to this, I've been dealing with this for years why the hell am I still struggling. I know why it's because I don't have meds for my OCD nor do I have anyone who can help me, and that fucking sucks. Also the state of the world right now, with the hole taking my rights away, people dying for just being different, and the fact that I nor my family can leave this state/country for our safety, is making it worse. I can't help but get angry when I see other people talk about how much better their doing then me, their not even flexing about it or whatever I just hate how I can't have everything I want. A safety place, money, merch of my favortive stuff, people who understand me, being able to do/make cool shit. Non of these things are their fault, and I know that. I just upset that I'll can never get what I want, and I probably never will.

Does anyone just wounder why their alive (of course people have) but like why am I here, I'm not good at anything and I'm not useful. I just wished life gave me a option to choose if I wanted to be alive or not. Sorry for all the sad talk I just going though it. (I mean I warned you tho)

Original I was going to complanin on bluesky but I don't want to make a paragaph of just complaning so I'll do it here. I hate how everytime theres bad news (thats about anything mind you) its always up in the air, or one social media site it's talking about but others aren't, this is NOT to say that the not so bad stuff is not as inportant because of course they are it's just I would like to know what is the big/real problem to focus on. It makes me feel miserable even if its news that just say the same stuff but said in a different way. I want to just act like I don't see it or I don't care, But of course I care. And the worse part is, is that I can't help anyone... Lastly people saying "Everything is going to be ok." "Things will get better." "Don't give up." and "Don't kill yourself we can make it." like shut the fuck up holyshit! This is not to say people being positive and not wanting people (like me) to kill theirself are bad but, 1. The people saying this are not even being affected by the stuff happening right now (or ever really), and 2. it's just not that easy, it feels like taking my life will fix things because I won't have to suffer like this anymore (it doesn't help that normies and just too stupid to help or just make the problems worse). And no things didn't get better, it lierally just keeps getting worse.

Idk man I just tired of people bullshitting and being annoying.