Warning! The link of this blinkie is NOT from the the creator. No, I don't know who the creator this blinkie is, their blinkie literally has been used all over the indie web.
If your reading this then get off the page, I talk about suicide, depression, mental health strugges, death, and other darker and mature topics, I wanted this place to be somewhere I can rant and talk about my feelings without people bothering me. So don't read them. This isn't some ARG or a mystery crime story that's just waiting to be solve, this just a place for me to vent that's it. The only reason why I'm hiding it is because I don't want so many people to read them since these blogs are personal.
yippie
4/21/26
So... I talked to the Trevor Project crisis service line and honstly I thinks it's pretty good. Not the crazy good but good none the less. I got the answer I expenaded but they really helped with some of the isseus I was having with my mental health, like giving me aceally advice to how to calm down and helping me understand want I was doing. But I will say if your going to a crisis service line with the want in mind of getting info, don't be surprised when they tell you they don't know. It's not really their job to know shit ton of info, that's your job, they can lend some stuff they know but it's gonna be some ground breaking lore drop. A crisis service line is made to help people understand their emoteons when can't get a therapist and to be for emontion support.
💦💦💦
4/18/26
I've been really trying to talk with the cirsis service line but I'm nervous about what they'll say or if they can help me understand the question I have, I'll make a post about what they said when I talk with them. (it probably won't go well)
short rant
4/14/26
I wish my parnets take my worries more seriously, actually listened to what I was saying, and planned with with me so we can kept own family safe. But the always treat me like I'm dumb and that hurts coming from your family that's supposed to support you and make you feel safe, but instend they be-little me and don't give me answers to the questions I have about the world. Like you lived and seen more then me at least give me some in-site as to what you know instend of just saying "it's not going to happen", and then make funny of me for stressing out when you know I have anxiety and OCD. And then they just forget want I told them like I get it it's hard to remmber things when your getting older but it feels like they don't care and that's why their forgeting not because they honestly forgot. Why does it feels like their trying to switch the blame on me, like it's my fault for not getting thicker skin or not being able to take other peoples bullshit, It fucking sucks.
I'm going to try and talk with a queer cirsis service to see if I can get some answers, I'm not sure that it will work but I'm running out of opitons, so when I get the courage to talk to one of them I'll chat.
Since my life seems to be coming to a close (I very short close depending on what happens this year) I've been trying to find what my life goals are since I'm not good at a-lot of things and I very unhappy with the things I've done or have in my life, I've been trying to finish this website and achive it like a-lot of other people have done since I'm actually somewhat happy with my website. This does not mean that I will stop posting my art or make some updates, this just means that I'm closing put some of the problems I have with the website and puting it some where safe. (even if the image slowly break overtime)
God I'm so tired of see white ass content everywhere, like no I don't want to watch your boiled chicken with no season or salt content if I wanted that I would just watch Friends.
short bitching
4/12/26
god why is med searching so hard bro, all of them make me sleepy which doesn't help since I'm always tried. I really hope their plan for putting people with mental health (mainly people with OCD) in jail/mental hospital (I forgot) doesn't happen for these last 2 in a half years, I'm so close to finding meds that actully help me and I don't want some loser taking that away from me and trying to send me to jail for it. Also can ya'll start explaining things, I've been doing some reseach about the stuff thats going on and a lot of ya'll refuse to explain why xyz is works and abc doesn't or how these people get information about this person etc etc. Don't you think knowing useful information like that can help some people, like obviously that won't help everyone but it's still important to let people know.
conplaining
4/12/26
(sorry for the grammar and spelling errors, I not in a good mood right now and want to yap)
God I fucking hate when people are overly positive about disheartening things that happening to people, like I know their trying to help the person that’s suffering feel better about themselves but it’s comes off as them just trying to shut people up so they don’t have to worry about their wellbeing, if they shut them up enough they will stop talking about it.
And I know that not everyone is doing this out for malicious purposes but it does come off that way when your pretending that everything is fine or they only care when the issue is trending but as soon as it’s over nobody cares.
Take the BLM protests in I think 2017/2018 (I wasn’t on social media when this happened so I don’t know to much) everyone was making TikTok’s and protesting but after a month or a week passed they immediately stopped caring. Like BLM isn’t something to protest about for only a month, BLM is something that happens everyday. And I know that not everyone can always be on top of it and always tone in especially for the sake of your mental health and wellbeing, it’s unhealthy to always be on top of it and I get that but y’all don’t even try to learn from this, y’all will just look at, say “aw that sucks :(“ and just fuck off, y’all don’t even try to help or spread awareness because this is just a fucking game to you and it always will be.
rant
hate crime and white privilege
4/11/26
White people are so stupid men, why do the think that the most simple and unhelp shit is going to help others that are struggling. Like their is like addive "if someone is getting murder then pull your phones out and record them." as if thats going to help. "But if we record them they will go to jail!!!" wheres the evidence for that, ya'll say that but we don't get news reports about them getting arrested. And you can tell is white people saying this because they have faith that the police, the goverment, and the FBI will actually take care of hate crimes and if your black like me you know that doesn't work. I don't know why their even crying about this in the first place when their the ones that caused this. White people will be like "No, We dIdN'T wE JuSt DiDn'T UnDeRStAnd-" shut the hell up. YOU didn't care what would happen because this doesn't effect you so the one time people of color and queer people needed you to pull through the most you weren't there, when people are suffering the most you sit back and watch it burn since none of this affects you, and some of you even have the fucking audacity to tell other people that "Things will get better", "these sad times won't last", "everything is going to be ok" NO, things will get better for YOU, these sad times won't last for YOU, everything will going be ok for YOU. None of the things you said will happen to the people who are suffering, the only reason why you even say this is because this will only for YOU no one else. White privilege is so annoying mainly because white people refuse to acknowledge that it exist and that they can make a difference by pointing it out to other white people. Why do we have to be on the same plant with them, they active ruin lifes and hurt others, god I wish I was in a black country cuz what the fuck...
I was right like always
politics
4/10/26
"Funny how people suddenly start giving a shit about politics when suddenly it affects and inconveniences them." "Crazy how literally all of this was avoidable of people had just used their brain cells in November 2024" "1:20 you might not fuck with politics, but politics will fuck with you" "genuinely makes me sick that ppl have been silent while families are being ripped apart by I*E, ppl losing access to food and healthcare, queer ppl losing rights, and so much more, but fucking gas prices was what made ppl start paying attention. this country is sick" and lastly "As a Latin American, born and raised in South America, it's courous to see how the U.S. spent so much energy trying to sell the "american dream" and the "american way of life" to other countries, and now is being so openly hostile towards immigrants. Like, what exactly did you expect would happen? So it was all just ego trip and delusional flexing? Very on brand." are comments from imuRgency video called "oh, so you only care about politics when they affect you" and those comments honestly somes up all of last year for me.
A bunch of bullshit all because yall didn't want to pay attention, at least I can find comfort that I'm not the only one bitching about this and that other people have been bitching too.
I really hope that the people who really need to leave the U.S. can leave in time before the 2025 project starts (like it's kinda started already but still). I'm not sure when it will tho since the name implies that this was supposed to happen in 2025 but something got in the way, I hope that the people who sometimes go to the U.S. know about the stuff going on and don't come. Like I know BTS already went to the U.S. to work on their new album but I hope they know now not to come here because it's not safe. (And I doubt that their countrys with stop people from going to the U.S. or warn them) I already knew that I wasn't going to be able to leave at any point since I'm poor but idk this kinda made me feel like shit, "oh you wanted to leave? Well now you can't, have fun bitch". Want really rubs me the wrong way is that their probably going to do some wild shit after it starts, like no, other country's aren't coming to save us, but leaving was the only option if you wanted to go somewhere safe and now if shit gets crazy there's nothing you can really do about it, because money or trying to move to a different state isn't going to help.
Fuck Cover_corp and Support Holostars
4/4/26
Before I even go on my rant he’s some contents and just over all great tweets about the whole situation. Thank you 🍤 for not stepping down even when times get rough 🌟❤️‍🩹. (go on my tumblr to see them)
LinkI’m so sick of Cover and their dick riding fans always trying to bully Holostars out of their company, all because of Unicorns are always bitching about how they don’t like Holostars. If your a Unicorn/anti kill yourself, like actually kill yourself (or in the famous words of Gavis Bettel, “DIE!”), I so sick of you dickheads harassing the boys/fans, saying slurs/being racist, and fucking harassing Hololive members and getting zero consequences for your actions and now my stars have to suffer hard because of you. Not only are they basically being fired from the company but they also don’t have a lot of ways to get income for there projects and just income to live.
What pissess me off even more is that they can’t just leave because if they did they would have to start from the beginning, they would have to get new models which would take months and they would no longer be able to collab with the other boys until they also gradation. And honestly don’t blame any of them for wanting gradating because it feels like thats the only good option for them. (And hell we don’t even know if they will be Vtubers again or even be work in the social media field, so we might not be able to see them again…) What hurts me even more is seeing the boys getting depress about, like you can tell their miserable from just the way they were posting after the announcement. Some of them are saying they need to take a break, some of the JP boys having to open up job request which is so fuck up when you think about the fact that they went into Holostars with the expectation in mind that this is their job now, and some of them are just having to laugh the pain way since they might lose everything, their homes, their pets, their friends, their dreams, everything.
I wish they just let them go indie but let them keep their IP’s (Vtuber, models). This hurts so much I can’t even imagine how they feel especially with them saying sorry like it’s their fault. (which it’s NOT) I so tired of this shit why can’t we just stay in our own small community and just vibe, why do we have to deal with dumbass corporates and annoying ass incells. Like I know corporate VTuber companies don’t last long because their all ran by a bunch of dumbasses but why is Holostars suffering the most💔… Holostars means the world to me, they have always save me from my massive depressive episodes so seeing them at their lowest makes me to support them even more.
Anyways, Fuck Cover-corp, fuck Unicorns, and fuck anyone who says Holostars EN and JP aren’t trying hard enough.
Rant
Family drama
3/19/26
Why does he bother me about jobs, you know I have mental problems and going outside is hard for me just stop bothering me about it holy shit. Your the one that should get a job you pay bills. He doesn't care, none of them care.
Rant
Family drama
3/9/26
For the past 4 days my dad haves been acting like a little bitch (just being an asshole), like mainly to me for some reason and I don't know the reason as to why (it honestly doesn't take much and can be for anything). He's been getting mad at me for everything I do and treating me like I stupid. He also is saying that I lying about my mental health saying "No you don't" when I told him I always feel tired. What gives him the right to say what my body does when he doesn't even live in it, I honestly should'nt be surprrised at this point, he always pushs my boundaries, huging me when he knows I don't like hugs, always asking to hugout when he knows I have school and lots of it, just treating like I'm dumb for not always agreeding with him or like I'm the one who's acting like a sore loser, and telling me that he misses "the old me" as if there is something wrong with me. At this point I don't even set broundaries/tell him to stop anymore because I know he won't listen and I don't want to start arguing since they don't end well and I don't have the energy. And then today he's acting like everything is normal like he isn't the one that start this, and the day before he was acting like I started it, I so sick of this homeshold what to move out just to get away from this.
some of yall aren't shit
2/6/26
why do people care about I*E now, like i've never seen people care this much for most of last year, now everyone wants to care so suddenly, like where were you when this was happening in 2025?
opps
1/28/26
I just realized that this diary page is supposed to also yap about things I like and shit and all i've been doing is trauma dumping lol. I would yap about the shows I've been watching but a lot of them are just very boring.
Rant
1/6/26
I honestly don't give a shit anymore. I'm tried of trying to understand what's going on right, I have more important things to be focus on than dumb shit like this. Every piece of important is just bullshit, like everyone is just lying at this point, the news lies all the time, people on social media are always lying, hell even people I follow are lying or just retweeting bullshit, and the rise of AI has also made it hard to understand whats real and whats not. So I'm just not going to tune in anymore, instend of watching this slop I'm going to work just like I wanted to do since the beginning of last year, so I can support my family and the content creators I love. If I die than I die, it's not like it matters anyway.
(Update) I haven't been post as much since I've been trying to enjoy my christmas break and also there isn't to much to do for this site anymore. I hit the end of the road when it comes to adding new things to the site and for fixing isuses. This doesn't mean that I will be abandoning this site or anything, like I'll still post my art on here but I just won't be working on it anymore. For the most part this site is done.
new year
12/12/25
This year was such a shitshow for so many different reasons. Fuck 2025 and all the bullshit it put me through 🚫👆.(I can't use the middle finger because microsoft is to much of a pussy to add it) I would say something positive about 2026, but I know it will be shit too.
update and quick rant
12/11/25
Update: I've been working on find a place to archive my website, working on the work site, finding more file store because onedrive sucks ass, and trying to download a bunch of shit. So I've been very busy with stuff đź’¦.
Rant: So the stupid age verification bills are finally about to finish, from what I heard it was going to happen this thursday but there was an update and now I think we have to wait a week for results (or a week to vote)? A lot of information has been past around so I don't know what is true yet. It will propbably pass since normies are stupid, it won't be surprising honestly. Lets just hope that other countries aren't as stupid so we can use the VPN's. The only thing I'm worry about is how this will affect my job and future payments I make. This has honestly been very tiring so I don't have the anrgy in me to yell and bitch like I usally do. Goodbye internet đź’”.
Also rip to ao3, internet archive and every other site that holds queer and poc content. You will be miss dearly.
Ocd
mental heatlh
12/6/25
The one thing about ocd is that it will just decide to be bother by one thing for months before being bother by something else, like I can be doing ok in the beginning of the year and only worried about money and then at the end of the month be worried about my art. The problem isn't me changing what I think is important to me at the moment, it's changing hyperfixation about a problem I'm having and then it abruptly changes to something different before I can finish the other issue.
stress
mental heatlh, rant
12/5/25
I'm really worrid about I*E taking me and my family, my family was born here (besides my grandma) so I know we'll probably be fine but I doubt they wouldn't kidnap every person of color. My dad talked to me about it when I was having a breakdown, he said this has happen before and that I don't need to worry about it. But I have OCD of course I'm going to worry about it. I'm worry that my mom well get taken and we won't have money to stay safe since my dad can't work, I'm worry that they'll come at our doorstep and if we lied about our grandma and they find her we'll get taken for lying, and I'm worry about the person I'll become if I get taken, how different will I be and if I'll be *****? I know this is stupid since I'm not really at any risk and I should stop bitching about it but it's been on my mind for the past 5 monthes so I wanted to say something. I don't really talk about with my parents because it always feels like I'm being belittled for feeling like this.
HAIR CUT
11/26/25
I cut my hair today. I can wait to let it grow and style it!
normies...
More ranting
11/25/25
Why do normies have to ruin everything!? like stop letting these fuckass bill's pass, cuz what are you going to do when you find out that it will fuck you over too. For context, last night I was on twitter and I saw a post about how some states in australia was doing a state ban on social media (sorry if I got anything wrong), and it pissed me off just thinking about how normies either voted yes or will not vote at all and now some australians and now suffer because of it. Now your probably wondering "why I care so much even tho I not an australian?" It's because one, peoples job and sources of fun just got taken away from them and two I know as so as americans hear about this someone will make a bill to ban it over here as well. I talking state or country ban, and watch the bill pass, and even if it's not a country ban watch it be a fucking state ban and every in red state it will pass. And the best part is norimes will end up crying about it saying that they didn't know it would happen and then regret it. I just wish I can move out of this fucking country (and I know that it will not make me safe from bills like this from happing but I don't fucking care). Lastly your probably saying "who cares just use a VPN to get around." One people shoudln't have to use a VPN to use social media, and two VPN's can't save you forever. What's going to happen when every country says yes to banning something, now you can't even use a VPN to get around it. Or what if the thing your using (an app or something) isnt in other countries? What then? So yes fuck norimes and fuck all the old white man how make these bills in the first place.
Whats next, ban the internet, ban watching tv, ban eating tacos, fucking banning fun?! I HATE BEING ON THIS PLANET WITH THESE LOSERS, GET ME THE FUCK OFF THE GODDAMN ROCK.
fuck
11/22/25
I so fucking tired of other peoples bullshit, just leave me the fuck alone and stay out of my and others people fucking business bro fuck. Why do big companies do shit like this.
yippie
11/20/25
Happy birthday to me :)
yap
11/16/25
I fucking hate waiting bro. I've been waiting for my birthday so I can get my ko-fi and gofundme, and for january for dorhedoro and trigun stampede to get their season 2. like why can't it go faster.
Rant
Tw: rant
11/16/25
What pisses me off about everything going on right now is that people had a choice. Just choose the right thing and everthing will be fine but no, normie's just had to be dumb and ruin it like always. So many peoples lives are at risk and had their lives ruined because of them. Family torn apart, lives taken, and they know this they told them that this would happen and it did. I think its so annoying is that their are now acting like they didn't happen and trying to switch sides now. 1. you know damn well that this would happen you just care now because something you care about is now affected so you ran to the other side (which is crazy because they will switch to their side again when things get better and for some reason people don't seem to notice that nor care), and 2. you don't deserve switch sides. If you fuck with bigot than your fovever a bigot end of story, you don't deserve help, sympathy, love, or to be forgiven, you deserve to die and rot away you fascist fucking pig.
work
10/30/25
I feel like I trapped in a loop of my own work/hobbies. I create alot for fun yes, but I also do it because I think it will make me feel better. Like if I draw this or if I do this, I'll magically feel so much better about my life right. I don't really know how to fix this honestly because I don't think me taking a break on creating is going to make me feel better, it would probably make me feel worse.
I conplain
Tw: mental health
10/29/25
I so tired of conplaining now. Like blah blah blah my life fucking sucks blah blah blah I want to kill myself, like whatever dude. This is the same old shit from before. Idk I feel like I've been in survival mode this entire year, I gave myself zero breaks for myself. I though if I did something bad would happen, like if I didn't retweet a importent post I'd be part of the problem. But I see people just not care like at all. Like am I the weird one for caring so much? I mean it's kinda hard to not care when you live in a red state. And you don't have the money, your father has health problems, and your own brother doesn't even try to help his own family even tho he knows that his family is poor. But you know what, I taking a long ass break! I'll be work of course but I take a break from social media and all the shit that's going on right now and just work on some personal stuff for now.
Anyway besides from that my birthday is coming up and I'm exited for the gifts, two Mystreet season 7 is coming up soon, and three Dorohedoro and trigun stampede are getting offial season 2 release datas! I think both are coming out January of 2026.
Wow, I'm just unlucky huh...
Tw: mental health (kinda)
10/18/25
You know I was conplaining about how I wasn't feeling safe, like things are going to get worse. Well I was right, great... I fucking hate it here, life is fucking overrated anyway. And I can't even help, I don't have money, popularity, anything. And it's not like I'm needed anyway because so much happens without me, without my help. I shouldn't be conplaining tho, if I was responsible for stuff like this to go well I'd feel worse. I think my problem is I just want to feel important, I want to feel like I'm wanted, (in a good way) and I want others to care too but no one does...
Having OCD fucking sucks
Tw: mental health
10/15/25
I hate it when I hear shit from outside and start to panic, like planes or loud noises. I should be use to this, I've been dealing with this for years why the hell am I still struggling. I know why it's because I don't have meds for my OCD nor do I have anyone who can help me, and that fucking sucks. Also the state of the world right now, with the hole taking my rights away, people dying for just being different, and the fact that I nor my family can leave this state/country for our safety, is making it worse. I can't help but get angry when I see other people talk about how much better their doing then me, their not even flexing about it or whatever I just hate how I can't have everything I want. A safety place, money, merch of my favortive stuff, people who understand me, being able to do/make cool shit. Non of these things are their fault, and I know that. I just upset that I'll can never get what I want, and I probably never will.
IDK (vent)
Tw: suicidal kinda
9/9/25
Does anyone just wounder why their alive (of course people have) but like why am I here, I'm not good at anything and I'm not useful. I just wished life gave me a option to choose if I wanted to be alive or not. Sorry for all the sad talk I just going though it. (I mean I warned you tho)
A Bitch is tired (vent)
Tw: depression and suicidal
9/9/25
Original I was going to complanin on bluesky but I don't want to make a paragaph of just complaning so I'll do it here. I hate how everytime theres bad news (thats about anything mind you) its always up in the air, or one social media site it's talking about but others aren't, this is NOT to say that the not so bad stuff is not as inportant because of course they are it's just I would like to know what is the big/real problem to focus on. It makes me feel miserable even if its news that just say the same stuff but said in a different way. I want to just act like I don't see it or I don't care, But of course I care. And the worse part is, is that I can't help anyone... Lastly people saying "Everything is going to be ok." "Things will get better." "Don't give up." and "Don't kill yourself we can make it." like shut the fuck up holyshit! This is not to say people being positive and not wanting people (like me) to kill theirself are bad but, 1. The people saying this are not even being affected by the stuff happening right now (or ever really), and 2. it's just not that easy, it feels like taking my life will fix things because I won't have to suffer like this anymore (it doesn't help that normies and just too stupid to help or just make the problems worse). And no things didn't get better, it lierally just keeps getting worse.
Idk man I just tired of people bullshitting and being annoying.