My Diary
I just yap my mouth off about whatever my hyperfixation is or how I'm feeling :3c. Also sorry for the terrible gammer.(crazy since english is my first language lol, I'm just bad a spelling.)
Warning: I about talk suicide, depression, and other mental health strugges in some of these. There will a TW warning on them to warn you.
Rant
1/6/26
I honestly don't give a shit anymore. I'm tried of trying to understand what's going on right, I have more important things to be focus on than dumb shit like this. Every piece of important is just bullshit, like everyone is just lying at this point, the news lies all the time, people on social media are always lying, hell even people I follow are lying or just retweeting bullshit, and the rise of AI has also made it hard to understand whats real and whats not. So I'm just not going to tune in anymore, instend of watching this slop I'm going to work just like I wanted to do since the beginning of last year, so I can support my family and the content creators I love. If I die than I die, it's not like it matters anyway.
update
1/1/26
Holostars makes me so happy and also makes me so fucking emotional right now. I'm watching jurard's philippines charity stream right now and just seeing in the first 20mins of stream people already have the goal finished made my shead tears 🥹, like holy shit seeing that was fucking beautiful. And the holostars constellation karaoke was awsome. I FUCKING LOVE HOLOSTARS🌟!
(Update) I haven't been post as much since I've been trying to enjoy my christmas break and also there isn't to much to do for this site anymore. I hit the end of the road when it comes to adding new things to the site and for fixing isuses. This doesn't mean that I will be abandoning this site or anything, like I'll still post my art on here but I just won't be working on it anymore. For the most part this site is done.
new year
12/12/25
This year was such a shitshow for so many different reasons. Fuck 2025 and all the bullshit it put me through 🚫👆.(I can't use the middle finger because microsoft is to much of a pussy to add it) I would say something positive about 2026, but I know it will be shit too.
update and quick rant
12/11/25
Update: I've been working on find a place to archive my website, working on the work site, finding more file store because onedrive sucks ass, and trying to download a bunch of shit. So I've been very busy with stuff 💦.
Rant: So the stupid age verification bills are finally about to finish, from what I heard it was going to happen this thursday but there was an update and now I think we have to wait a week for results (or a week to vote)? A lot of information has been past around so I don't know what is true yet. It will propbably pass since normies are stupid, it won't be surprising honestly. Lets just hope that other countries aren't as stupid so we can use the VPN's. The only thing I'm worry about is how this will affect my job and future payments I make. This has honestly been very tiring so I don't have the anrgy in me to yell and bitch like I usally do. Goodbye internet 💔.
Also rip to ao3, internet archive and every other site that holds queer and poc content. You will be miss dearly.
Ocd
mental heatlh
12/6/25
The one thing about ocd is that it will just decide to be bother by one thing for months before being bother by something else, like I can be doing ok in the beginning of the year and only worried about money and then at the end of the month be worried about my art. The problem isn't me changing what I think is important to me at the moment, it's being hyperfixation about a problem I'm having and then it abruptly changes to something different before I can finish the other issue.
Welcome home
12/2/25
The welcome home update just drop a few days ago and it was awesome, I really excitd to see more from welcome home updates, I forgot how much this arg brings me joy. I would talk about it but I don't what to spoil it for you. If you don't know what welcome home is than watch this Night Mind's Welcome Home videos, don't watch those lame ass theory videos tho (the game theorists, and Remgames), all they do is ruin the story. You should watch people like Night Mind and AlleyDreamer, people who actually understand the story.
I also getting hit with a depressive episode and I can't tell if it's because of seasonal depression or that I know that next year is about to get way worse, idk.
stress
mental heatlh, rant
12/5/25
I'm really worrid about I*E taking me and my family, my family was born here (besides my grandma) so I know we'll probably be fine but I doubt they wouldn't kidnap every person of color. My dad talked to me about it when I was having a breakdown, he said this has happen before and that I don't need to worry about it. But I have OCD of course I'm going to worry about it. I'm worry that my mom well get taken and we won't have money to stay safe since my dad can't work, I'm worry that they'll come at our doorstep and if we lied about our grandma and they find her we'll get taken for lying, and I'm worry about the person I'll become if I get taken, how different will I be? I know this is stupid since I'm not really at any risk and I should stop bitching about it but it's been on my mind for the past 5 monthes so I wanted to say something. I don't really talk about with my parents because it always feels like I'm being belittled for feeling like this.
HAIR CUT
11/26/25
I cut my hair today. I can wait to let it grow and style it!
normies...
More ranting
11/25/25
Why do normies have to ruin everything!? like stop letting these fuckass bill's pass, cuz what are you going to do when you find out that it will fuck you over too. For context, last night I was on twitter and I saw a post about how some states in australia was doing a state ban on social media (sorry if I got anything wrong), and it pissed me off just thinking about how normies either voted yes or will not vote at all and now some australians and now suffer because of it. Now your probably wondering "why I care so much even tho I not an australian?" It's because one, peoples job and sources of fun just got taken away from them and two I know as so as americans hear about this someone will make a bill to ban it over here as well. I talking state or country ban, and watch the bill pass, and even if it's not a country ban watch it be a fucking state ban and every in red state it will pass. And the best part is norimes will end up crying about it saying that they didn't know it would happen and then regret it. I just wish I can move out of this fucking country (and I know that it will not make me safe from bills like this from happing but I don't fucking care). Lastly your probably saying "who cares just use a VPN to get around." One people shoudln't have to use a VPN to use social media, and two VPN's can't save you forever. What's going to happen when every country says yes to banning something, now you can't even use a VPN to get around it. Or what if the thing your using (an app or something) isnt in other countries? What then? So yes fuck norimes and fuck all the old white man how make these bills in the first place.
Whats next, ban the internet, ban watching tv, ban eating tacos, fucking banning fun?! I HATE BEING ON THIS PLANET WITH THESE LOSERS, GET ME THE FUCK OFF THE GODDAMN ROCK.
fuck
11/22/25
I so fucking tired of other peoples bullshit, just leave me the fuck alone and stay out of my and others people fucking business bro fuck. Why do big companies do shit like this.
yippie
11/20/25
Happy birthday to me :)
yap
11/16/25
I fucking hate waiting bro. I've been waiting for my birthday so I can get my ko-fi and gofundme, and for january for dorhedoro and trigun stampede to get their season 2. like why can't it go faster.
Rant
Tw: rant
11/16/25
What pisses me off about everything going on right now is that people had a choice. Just choose the right thing and everthing will be fine but no, normie's just had to be dumb and ruin it like always. So many peoples lives are at risk and had been ruined because of them. Family torn apart, lives taken, and they know this they told them that this would happen and it did. I think its so annoying is that their are now acting like they didn't happen and trying to switch sides now. One you know damn well that this would happen you just care now because something you care about is now affected so you ran to the other side (which is crazy because they will switch to their side again when things get better and for some reason people don't seem to notice that nor care), and two you don't deserve switch sides. If fuck with bigot than your fovever a bigot end of story, you don't deserve help, sympathy, love, or to be forgiven, you deserve to die and rot away you fascist fucking pig.
work
10/30/25
I feel like I trapped in a loop of my own work/hobbies. I create alot for fun yes, but I also do it because I think it will make me feel better. Like if I draw this or if I do this, I'll magically feel so much better about my life right. I don't really know how to fix this honestly because I don't think me taking a break on creating is going to make me feel better, it would probably make me feel worse.
I conplain
Tw: mental health
10/29/25
I so tired of conplaining now. Like blah blah blah my life fucking sucks blah blah blah I want to kms, like whatever dude. This is the same old shit from before. Idk I feel like I've been in survival mode this entire year, I gave myself zero breaks for myself. I though if I did something bad would happen, like if I didn't retweet inportnet post I'd be part of the problem. But I see people just not care like at all. Like am I the weird one for caring so much? I mean it's kinda hard to not care when you live in a red state. And you don't have the money, your father has health problems, and your own brother doesn't even try to help his own family even tho he still lives here. But you know what, I taking a long ass break! I'll be work of course but I take a break from social media and all the shit that's going on right now and just work on some personal stuff for now.
Anyway besides from that my birthday is coming up and I'm exited for the gifts, two Mystreet season 7 is coming up soon, and three Dorohedoro and trigun stampede are getting offial season 2 release datas! I think both are coming out January of 2026.
Wow, I'm just unlucky huh...
Tw: mental health (kinda)
10/18/25
You know I was conplaining about how I wasn't feeling safe, like things are going to get worse. Well I was right, great... I fucking hate it here, life is fucking overrated anyway. And I can't even help, I don't have money, popularity, anything. And it's not like I'm needed anyway because so much happens without me, without my help. I shouldn't be conplaining tho, if I was responsible for stuff like this to go well I'd feel worse. I think my problem is I just want to feel important, I want to feel like I'm wanted, (in a good way) and I want others to care too but no one does...
Having OCD fucking sucks
Tw: mental health
10/15/25
I hate it when I hear shit from outside and start to panic, like planes or loud noises. I should be use to this, I've been dealing with this for years why the hell am I still struggling. I know why it's because I don't have meds for my OCD nor do I have anyone who can help me, and that fucking sucks. Also the state of the world right now, with the hole taking my rights away, people dying for just being different, and the fact that I nor my family can leave this state/country for our safety, is making it worse. I can't help but get angry when I see other people talk about how much better their doing then me, their not even flexing about it or whatever I just hate how I can't have everything I want. A safety place, money, merch of my favortive stuff, people who understand me, being able to do/make cool shit. Non of these things are their fault, and I know that. I just upset that I'll can never get what I want, and I probably never will.
IDK (vent)
Tw: suicidal kinda
9/9/25
Does anyone just wounder why their alive (of course people have) but like why am I here, I'm not good at anything and I'm not useful. I just wished life gave me a option to choose if I wanted to be alive or not. Sorry for all the sad talk I just going though it. (I mean I warned you tho)
A Bitch is tired (vent)
Tw: depression and suicidal
9/9/25
Original I was going to complanin on bluesky but I don't want to make a paragaph of just complaning so I'll do it here. I hate how everytime theres bad news (thats about anything mind you) its always up in the air, or one social media site it's talking about but others aren't, this is NOT to say that the not so bad stuff is not as inportant because of course they are it's just I would like to know what is the big/real problem to focus on. It makes me feel miserable even if its news that just say the same stuff but said in a different way. I want to just act like I don't see it or I don't care, But of course I care. And the worse part is, is that I can't help anyone... Lastly people saying "Everything is going to be ok." "Things will get better." "Don't give up." and "Don't kill yourself we can make it." like shut the fuck up holyshit! This is not to say people being positive and not wanting people (like me) to kill theirself but, one the people saying this are not even being affected by the stuff happening right now (or ever really), and two it's just not that easy, it feels like taking my life will fix things because I won't have to suffer like this anymore (it doesn't help that normies and just too stupid to help or just make the problems worse). And no things didn't get better lol, it lierally just keeps getting worse and I don't know how long I will last lol.
Idk man I just tired of people bullshitting and being annoying.
Aphmau - MTBlacklullaby
8/24/25
Yippie (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ). I just watch Mermaid Tales the black lullaby and it was AWESOME!
The animation, the writing, the cute zane crab, and the hot men (^///^). I'm writing this while I wait for the next episode that is coming out today (8/31/25) I think... And I'm VERY excited, also Laurance was there which is just expect points :3c.
Aphmau - Mystreet
8/20/25
Conext: A month or two ago I was working on my persona (like artist persona) and when I was watching one of the video I got recommended a video about redesiging mystreet charaters. I was surpised, I didn't think anyone remember mystreet really, it was like 8 years ago when the last time an episode of Mystreet was posted and the main channel switch to more family friendly contect. And thats how I found out that mystreet was getting a season 7( and 8) ＼（〇_ｏ）／. Honestly I though mystreet had ended at season 6, mind you I was 12 or 13 a the time and I wasn't on social media so I didn't know the series was put on hold q(≧▽≦q). So to make long story short out of curious I watch a summary for Mystreet. And went from going in to just fill my curious to watch all of Mystreet (´･ω･`)?
As much as I would like to yap my ass off about mystreet and how it has taken over my mind but I will for once not do that and instead just draw art. Also I will at some point will post more art on here I just busy with stuff in my personal life.