My Diary
I just yap my mouth off about whatever my hyperfixation is or how I'm feeling :3c. Also sorry for the terrible gammer.(crazy since english is my first language lol, I'm just bad a spelling.)
Warning: I about talk suicide, depression, and other mental health strugges in some of these. There will a TW warning on them to warn you.
work
10/30/25
I feel like I trapped in a loop of my own work/hobbies. I create alot for fun yes, but I also do it because I think it will make me feel better. Like if I draw this or if I do this, I'll magically feel so much better about my life right. I don't really know how to fix this honestly because I don't think me taking a break on creating is going to make me feel better, it would probably make me feel worse.
I conplain
Tw: mental health
10/29/25
I so tired of conplaining now. Like blah blah blah my life fucking sucks blah blah blah I want to kms, like whatever dude. This is the same old shit from before. Idk I feel like I've been in survival mode this entire year, I gave myself zero breaks for myself. I though if I did something bad would happen, like if I didn't retweet inportnet post I'd be part of the problem. But I see people just not care like at all. Like am I the weird one for caring so much? I mean it's kinda hard to not care when you live in a red state. And you don't have the money, your father has health problems, and your own brother doesn't even try to help his own family even tho he still lives here. But you know what, I taking a long ass break! I'll be work of course but I take a break from social media and all the shit that's going on right now and just work on some personal stuff for now.
Anyway besides from that my birthday is coming up and I'm exited for the gifts, two Mystreet season 7 is coming up soon, and three Dorohedoro and trigun stampede are getting offial season 2 release datas! I think both are coming out January of 2026.
Wow, I'm just unlucky huh...
Tw: mental health (kinda)
10/18/25
You know I was conplaining about how I wasn't feeling safe, like things are going to get worse. Well I was right, great... I fucking hate it here, life is fucking overrated anyway. And I can't even help, I don't have money, popularity, anything. And it's not like I'm needed anyway because so much happens without me, without my help. I shouldn't be conplaining tho, if I was responsible for stuff like this to go well I'd feel worse. I think my problem is I just want to feel important, I want to feel like I'm wanted, (in a good way) and I want others to care too but no one does...
Having OCD fucking sucks
Tw: mental health
10/15/25
I hate it when I hear shit from outside and start to panic, like planes or loud noises. I should be use to this, I've been dealing with this for years why the hell am I still struggling. I know why it's because I don't have meds for my OCD nor do I have anyone who can help me, and that fucking sucks. Also the state of the world right now, with the hole taking my rights away, people dying for just being different, and the fact that I nor my family can leave this state/country for our safety, is making it worse. I can't help but get angry when I see other people talk about how much better their doing then me, their not even flexing about it or whatever I just hate how I can't have everything I want. A safety place, money, merch of my favortive stuff, people who understand me, being able to do/make cool shit. Non of these things are their fault, and I know that. I just upset that I'll can never get what I want, and I probably never will.
IDK (vent)
Tw: suicidal kinda
9/9/25
Does anyone just wounder why their alive (of course people have) but like why am I here, I'm not good at anything and I'm not useful. I just wished life gave me a option to choose if I wanted to be alive or not. Sorry for all the sad talk I just going though it. (I mean I warned you tho)
A Bitch is tired (vent)
Tw: depression and suicidal
9/9/25
Original I was going to complanin on bluesky but I don't want to make a paragaph of just complaning so I'll do it here. I hate how everytime theres bad news (thats about anything mind you) its always up in the air, or one social media site it's talking about but others aren't, this is NOT to say that the not so bad stuff is not as inportant because of course they are it's just I would like to know what is the big/real problem to focus on. It makes me feel miserable even if its news that just say the same stuff but said in a different way. I want to just act like I don't see it or I don't care, But of course I care. And the worse part is, is that I can't help anyone... Lastly people saying "Everything is going to be ok." "Things will get better." "Don't give up." and "Don't kill yourself we can make it." like shut the fuck up holyshit! This is not to say people being positive and not wanting people (like me) to kill theirself but, one the people saying this are not even being affected by the stuff happening right now (or ever really), and two it's just not that easy, it feels like taking my life will fix things because I won't have to suffer like this anymore (it doesn't help that normies and just too stupid to help or just make the problems worse). And no things didn't get better lol, it lierally just keeps getting worse and I don't know how long I will last lol.
Idk man I just tired of people bullshitting and being annoying.
Aphmau - MTBlacklullaby
8/24/25
Yippie (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ). I just watch Mermaid Tales the black lullaby and it was AWESOME!
The animation, the writing, the cute zane crab, and the hot men (^///^). I'm writing this while I wait for the next episode that is coming out today (8/31/25) I think... And I'm VERY excited, also Laurance was there which is just expect points :3c.
Aphmau - Mystreet
8/20/25
Conext: A month or two ago I was working on my persona (like artist persona) and when I was watching one of the video I got recommended a video about redesiging mystreet charaters. I was surpised, I didn't think anyone remember mystreet really, it was like 8 years ago when the last time an episode of Mystreet was posted and the main channel switch to more family friendly contect. And thats how I found out that mystreet was getting a season 7( and 8) ＼（〇_ｏ）／. Honestly I though mystreet had ended at season 6, mind you I was 12 or 13 a the time and I wasn't on social media so I didn't know the series was put on hold q(≧▽≦q). So to make long story short out of curious I watch a summary for Mystreet. And went from going in to just fill my curious to watch all of Mystreet (´･ω･`)?
As much as I would like to yap my ass off about mystreet and how it has taken over my mind but I will for once not do that and instead just draw art. Also I will at some point will post more art on here I just busy with stuff in my personal life.